10-21-16 Western Adventure

October 21, 2016 by anewdaystartsnow 6 Comments

I am now home after being gone for two weeks. The work portion of my trip was productive and good but, it is the personal part of my journey that I am just now processing.

For my first week out of town, I vacationed in Wyoming, Montana and South Dakota taking the trip that Jeff and I had always dreamed of doing together. My friends, Karen and Jim, accompanied me as did Hieronymus Bagel, my personal mascot, who provided me with comic relief. But, while the vacation was great, I realized last night that tears were overdue.

Last week, I spent 6 days marveling at nature’s majesty. Magnificent canyons, roaring waterfalls, steaming geysers and snow-topped mountains competed for my attention with the abundant wildlife. We stopped often to take pictures of bison, elk, moose, antelope, deer, coyotes, prairie dogs, horses, sheep and cattle that wandered in front of us, next to us and in nearby fields. Hikes included meandering around bubbling ponds of hot water and mud, the graveyard at Little Big Horn and the carved brilliance of Mount Rushmore.

Throughout it all, I stayed perky since I was traveling with friends. But, inside, I would have loved to have talked about how I was feeling to be in such beautiful places without Jeff. I had mentioned him several times over the course of the week, but, could feel the atmosphere change when I would say Jeff would have liked this or that, so I did not pursue any conversations about how I felt without him.

Last night, while having dinner with my friend, Gloria, (after this week’s work portion of my trip) she asked me how I was doing as she knew my vacation was a memorial of sorts for Jeff. For the first time in a while, I started to cry.

Truthfully, I felt a sense of relief through my tears and I thanked Gloria for asking about Jeff and allowing me the opportunity to get bubble up all the emotion I had held back the previous week.

So now, with my western pilgrimage over, and my sadness addressed, I am ready to move on again. If grief is its own journey, my vacation was all of the following: a bump in the road of my recovery, an amazing adventure and a closure.

While I wish I could have shared so many moments with Jeff like the moose hiding in the brush less than 10 feet away or the buffalo ready to charge me while I took its picture from the car window or the eagle that flew past the car, I accept my anger that he did not get to share those experiences with me.

Next year, I will be making some changes (more on that soon), and am energized and excited to do so! And my friend, Hieronymus Bagel, will continue to come along for the figurative or literal ride to help me document my evolving life. Should be fun.

(Be sure to follow Hieronymus’ adventures on Instagram or Twitter at wendela12).